To Spank or Not to Spank

Often times I am asked as a parent if I spank my children.  Before I dig into this topic, I would like you to know a few things.  I tend to have a short fuse, I am a rather aggressive individual, I hold people accountable, I am not against violence to achieve a needed goal, I was spanked as a kid and I believe it helped me behave a bit better as a child.  With that being said, my wife and I do not spank our children.

I can hear it now…”you are one of those flaky parents that uses time out as punishment.”  Yes and no.  I believe that it is ok to spank your kids, I also believe it is ok to not spank your kids.  Ultimately, the number 1 goal with discipline is teaching lessons and then holding our children accountable after teaching them a lesson.  Do I believe most people that use time outs are flaky?  Absolutely!!! I have witnessed parents put their kids in timeout and then proceed to have a full blown conversation with their kids while the child is sitting in timeout.  I have seen parents put kids in timeout with the understanding that the timeout will last a certain period, only to see them cut that period short !!!  I am going to be very blunt here...the parents that tend to use timeouts as punishment are downright pussies!!!  They cannot hold themselves accountable to their own system or their own standard of discipline.  

“OK….so Dane, do you actually use timeouts or do you just call timeout Parents, pussies?”


My wife and I use timeouts. We have set a system of discipline in place.  It follows the guidelines below:

  1. There is to be no talking to a child during timeout
  2. There needs to be consistency between parents about what requires the discipline/accountable of a timeout.
  3. There needs to be a set time period for each child based off their maturity and age that is pre-set and communicated to the child about their time spent in timeout.
  4. After the time period is executed, there needs to be a stern discussion about why they went to timeout and what they need to do to avoid timeout in the future.
  5. Give the kid a hug, tell them you love them and then get them out of timeout.  
  6. NOW...if they come out of timeout and violate the rules again, this is a perfect time for them to learn your sternness and accountability….THROW THEM BACK IN THE SLAMMER (timeout)!!!  This is one thing my wife and I DO NOT budge on at all and I believe that this teaches the lesson rather quickly that we are not playing games.

I believe these 6 keys can lead the parent to a solid position of parenting. Remember, YOU control the situation, not the child and always remember that there needs to be a lesson learned after each implemented disciplinary action (be it spanking or timeout).  Every disciplinary precaution you take at a young age will ALWAYS pay off later on when they are older.  Don’t be fooled by cuteness!!!  Now go spend some time with your child and give them attention, 9 times out of 10 your kid is misbehaving because they just want your attention.

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